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Hello. Hello and welcome to fit and fabulous with me, Dr. Orlena Kerek. I hope that you are feeling fabulous. Another rainy day here in Spain. What on earth is going on with the weather? Another day that we did not cycle to school. I had to drive the kids to rain because we are not set up to cycle in the rain without getting super wet.
Anyhow, 9 more journeys to go (fingers crossed) until we moved back to our house. And you can tell, I have the excitement of a child and counting down to Christmas. In fact, my children have got countdowns to advent calendar time. Cause they're super excited about advent.
Today. I want to talk a little bit about emotions and why emotions are so amazingly important and why they are really a big, big, big piece of the work that I do. Both of my own personal self and you know, the work that I do in my family, being a mother and a partner to my husband, and also with my clients, both my one-on-one clients and my group clients.
So, let me start by telling you a little story. A few weeks ago, my son, who is 11 was Oh so, super grumpy. Now there's nothing unusual about my kids being grumpy and shouty and screamy.
But this day he was really just more grumpy than normal. And I was wondering, well, you know, what's going on with him? Is it that he went to bed too late?
He didn't sleep well, or it's something else going on.
And I kind of just went with it a little bit, put into bed, said goodnight. And then I went for a walk with my husband and my husband was telling me how he. Been friends. So a little bit of backstory. One of his friends who was a good friend of heads had had a birthday party and hadn't invited my son to his birthday party.
And although my son denies it, I think there was quite a lot of upset going on in that moment. This friend had been really good friends with him. There was a time when it was only my son who was invited to his birthday. So as much as he tried to put a brave face on it and say, well, I didn't have a birthday party this year, which is why he didn't invite me.
It must be really difficult for an 11 year old to be at school. And everybody else talking about going to a party and you not going to the party. And as much as I could see. Yeah. He's trying to say no, it's not a big deal that secretly deep down. There is an emotion that we try to run away from. And in this case, it manifests as I'm being grumpy.
I'm being unpleasant to my brothers and sisters and my mother. What is the consequence of that? Well, the consequence of that is that other people get upset and you end up fighting with your brothers and sisters. As opposed to, Hey, you know what? I'm feeling upset about this, and I'm going to have a hug and be positive and think about all the things that I do have in my life and feel that feeling of upset rejection rejection is not a nice feeling and I'm going to work through it now he's 11. So clearly that's a big ask, but I think it's a really good story to illustrate. But this happens to all of us all the time. And I, as I say, I work with this on my own clients, but I also have my own coaches and I work with my own emotions because they are so, so, so important.
And one of the things that I've really come to think about recently is how. We hide emotions and what happens when we hide emotions. So these emotions might be emotions that are going on throughout your life. And I've been thinking about my own emotions and one emotion that for some reason comes up for me is this feeling of rejection and it.
Raise its head from time to time. But what normally happens in my busy day is I brush it aside and I don't notice it. And it's almost like there's this big well of this emotion and a split-second of it will have. Before I just brush past it and don't really look at it. And I've been sitting with this emotion for the last few weeks, not in a way that it's like, oh my goodness, I'm going to sit with rejection.
And my life is going to be a part of rejection. It doesn't have to be like that. It can just be thinking about it and pondering it and thinking. When did this first come up and I think back to my childhood and think, I remember having an argument with my mom or being told that I wasn't allowed to do something and having that feeling of rejection and thinking this isn't a nice feeling who likes feeling rejected, particularly by people who are close to you now, what is the consequence of not doing anything about that?
Well, it depends on the person for me. It has. Well, that's an interesting question. It has effects from time to time. I find that it means that from time to time, I turn up in a way that is sort of defensive. And I don't want to do that because I'm hiding from this emotion, but it can manifest in any number of things.
So hands up, if you are thinking, Hmm, I know of an emotion that I hide and what does it do for me now? It might manifest in overeating overeating. However that looks for you, it might be emotional eating. It might be cravings. It might just be over eating a little bit at meal times, but quite often there is an emotional reason underneath that.
And so emotions can be a really big driver. Hey, I'm not leading the healthiest life that I want to, and they can be a really big leader in this is why it feels so difficult to make changes, because I don't want to face those emotions. I don't want to look at them and think, Hey, what's going on there? I don't want to open that feeling of rejection or not feeling well.
But one thing I would like to say to you is when you really sit with that emotion and we do this from time to time in the group program. So for example, last week, just sit with that negative emotion and it doesn't take very long. And when you really sit with it and pay attention to it, It loses its power.
Now it may not go away immediately. It's not like, Hey, there's a switch. Sometimes it is. We've been working on our buttons in the group and it's amazing. And people say, oh, I press my button and I can change my emotions, such a powerful. But when you start doing this emotional work, it may not be that, oh, suddenly everything changes.
It might be just, Hey, this emotion has a little bit less power and then a little bit less power. Often your journey from where you are to where you want to get to is a process. It doesn't put an all in one week. And I was talking about this in our group program last week. How about. Progress from where I was say eight to 10 years ago to where I am now was chipping away, chipping away, chipping away.
It wasn't like suddenly I woke up eight years ago and went, wait, that's it. I'm going to be super healthy. I love healthy living. It was a process that happened over a period of time. So emotions getting to grips with emotions. I know that it feels scary. I know that it feels hard work. I know that when you are wrapped up in that emotion, you don't want to do anything other than what that emotion is telling you to do.
So it might be, Hey, I want to push everybody away and I don't want to talk to people or I want to shout and scream in my children's. Just to recap. I know I've said this before on the podcast, and I've said it in my group program about a zillion times, there are three ways that you can respond to emotions.
The first one is you can act on that emotion. What does that look like? If you're cross shouting, screaming, throwing things, if you're happy, dancing and singing coming from that place of. Number two, you can distract yourself from that emotion. Now, sometimes that's okay if you're feeling down and you think, okay, I'm going to distract myself by going for a run or putting on some music and doing some dancing.
You're doing it in. The danger with it, distraction is you aren't aware of what you're doing. And that distraction is not a healthy distraction. So going to the fridge, eating ice cream, buying a zillion things on the internet, you're not being intentional. And so things take over and you find that the distraction is worse than the actual emotion or the consequence of the.
Now the third thing that you can do with emotions, which feels really difficult, but isn't actually as bad normally is to sit with that emotion and allow that emotion. So really pay attention to that emotion without acting on it, without doing it, just feeling it and saying,
Hey, hello, rejection. Hello Fear. Hello. I don't feel worthy. Hello, whatever it is.
And it sounds really difficult to do, and most people don't want to do that. They just want to brush it aside and not really set and feel that emotion, but the power of doing that is amazing because then it stops having that power over you. And you can say, oh, I realized that this is part of my makeup, but I don't have to let it control my actions.
Sometimes emotions don't disappear. A lot of people who have anxiety say they just learn to live with anxiety. It doesn't totally, totally disappear. It's kind of the way their brain thinks. And that's fine. But what they managed to do is have systems and routines that work for them, as opposed to just allowing that anxiety to rule their lives.
So that is what I would like to leave you with today. Embrace your emotions. That doesn't mean spiral down the negative plug hole of emotions. I don't mean, Hey, if you're feeling sad, go and wallow in sadness, but allow your emotions to clear. Now what's the difference between allowing them to clear and wallowing in them?
Wallowing lend them is when something bad happens, say somebody says, oh, something that upsets you and. You allow that to take over your day for two or three days, and you're upset about it. You're upset about it, but you're pushing it away. You're sort of battling it and not wanting to face it as opposed to okay.
I understand how I feel. What I'm going to do is sit with this emotion. I've got tools and processes that I can use to allow this emotion to be felt, and then I can move on and do whatever it is. But I'm going to do for the rest of my day. So I feel that negative emotion, but then I just get on and get back to having an amazing life, as opposed to, Hey, three days later, four chocolate bars, three bottles of wine or whatever it is, and then finally get out of it.
So, which do you choose? Which is the most efficient and best way. Okay. So that's a little bit on emotions. Now, if you are interested in. Discovering your emotions and getting to lead your most healthy life. And you're thinking, Hey, this year 2022, the year that's coming up is going to be my year of transformation.
And I really want to get to healthy me, and I really want to do it in a way that is easy and fun. And I know I need some support. Why do you need support? Let me tell you a quick story about group coaching. Last week, one of the ladies was talking about how things had just slipped back a little bit. So she was really super enthusiastic and excited.
Things were going super, super well to begin with. And then she noticed that things were just slipping. And she said, you know, what, if I hadn't been in this group, that's when I basically would have stopped doing things, I would have seen things slipping and I would have just gone, Hey, you know what, I'm not doing this anymore.
I'm just going to go back to my old ways. But luckily I'm in Dr Orlena’s Healthy, You Healthy Family group program, and I'm back on it. I'm going to sort out that slippage. I'm going to get back on track and I'm going to keep. And that my friends is 95% of the work. It's just to keep going to say, yes, this is what I'm going to do.
I'm going to create healthy meat. And I'm going to go through these bits where it feels challenging. I've got doctoral Lena support, and I'm going to get to the other end where it's just going to be super, super easy. And I'm super excited to see what healthy me looks like. And I'm super excited to see what healthy U looks like too.
So if you're interested, I have five more places in the group program. Well, either group program or one-on-one before Christmas time to start people before Christmas time. So if you're interested and think, yes, let's do this. Then book a chat with me, the roadmap to healthy you chat. And we will chat with, we'll talk about what it looks like to you find out if you're a good person, you know, if you're a good fit for the group, if the group is a good fit for you.
And yeah, we'll chat, we'll chat. So come and book a chat. I would love to chat to you and don't sit on the fence thinking, oh my goodness. It's so much work and all of this. It's so scary. Go with that possibility. It's just a chat. Let's start off by just chatting. So I look forward to hearing from you have a fabulous week.
I will talk to you next week. Bye-bye.
Episode 145: One Simple Tip to Make Healthy Living Easy
Episode 134: How to Make Weight Loss Easy After Menopause
Written By Dr Orlena
Dr Orlena Kerek (MBChB from the University of Bristol, UK) trained as a pediatric doctor. She is now a family health coach. She helps busy mums who want to feel amazing by eating healthy food, enjoy a healthy life, get back into their honeymoon shorts and teach their kids healthy habits all without thinking about it.